Who Am I

By Arafa Alhammadi

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

7TH OF FEBRUARY 2021

Oh, my dear blog!

It is indeed been so long since the last time I wrote about " The Best Way I Know How".

I am not that active anymore on this blog, nor in my note when I always wanted to write but something just stopped me or the will have gone?! I WONDER!

However, as I have been dreaming of writing here and flashing all my thoughts from positive to negative ones, I just want to talk and let it all out. Know very well only a few numbers of people who would read my blog or not. It's okay, as far as I remember I never wanted to make this blog this famous as much as I really wanted a good review from different people who love to read and have the curiosity and the lust for knowledge about other human beings and their own lives in a different perspective.

I have learned now different ways of expressing myself in the most artistic way possible, I wasn't trying as much as I was just letting myself go with the flow. I learned that the same way the water goes I can be like it. I discovered my passion for art even more in the past years and months, and my amazing ability to be just a human being without any effort of trying to understand myself more. Maybe deep down within I thought I am a higher-level human, with superpowers and abilities that conquer all.

I fell in love with myself when I decide to give myself the title of embracing my diversity differently and being called "DIVERGENT". BUT is it what it is?

I wonder I wonder...

Now that I am lost again I am writing cause the only way I know how to have ease or peace of mind is by seeking refugee through Allah and writing all that is in my heart, without limiting anything and just write, let all the words get out and go with the flow. As this year started my aim was strong I was planning in participating in many different events such as cycling and running, but to be also more careful cause I wish not to overload myself with exercises.

As far as we were all sure about something that the corona epidemic is going short and the incident was decreasing when suddenly that turns out to be not true. I hate things that are implanted by evil mankind just to kill a certain number of human beings cause of a certain motive and humans' number should be around 500,000,000 only. nothing more or less. And all I know the next day after the press conference of the Covid19 last Thursday 30TH OF JAN, all races, and other competitions are canceled.

That devastated me and put me in despair. As I lost the aim of becoming number one in any of the races I participated in. And then I have to go through some unknowns again. I met with many people the last year some are good some are just lessons. Some become good friends some are not. Simply like that, which made me also study myself and the people around me do they bring good or bad towards me.

As far as I know the past months I was pushing myself hard and just trying to get stronger, and I asked myself how many times I need to lie and tell myself that I am alright when I am not. I understand shit happens yes but it doesn't mean I have to kill myself to make it right all the time. I am such a perfectionist and I want everything to be in order and in the just right way without a mistake.

I supposed I had learned this lesson of self-control and emotions and also the things that I don't understand or control I have to let go and allow Allah to show me the way but I am just stubborn as a hack.

To Be Continued

Arafa Alhammadi